🌱 Parenting the Inner World: A New Way of Listening to Our Children’s Emotions

By Rina Louw | Clinical Social Worker & Sandplay Therapy Practitioner

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🌋 A Boy, A Volcano, and a Soldier

A young boy enters the sandplay room. He walks straight to the sandtray and places a small volcano in the center. He surrounds it with soldiers. Then, with sudden force, he smashes them all.

He does this again the next week.

And again the week after that.

To someone watching from the outside, this may look like aggression or destruction. But in the world of Sandplay Therapy—and in Jungian psychology—we see something more.

This is a story the child doesn’t yet have words for.

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🧠 What Is “Parenting the Inner World”?

Most parenting advice today focuses on behavior—how to stop tantrums, get kids to listen, or calm them down. These tools can help in the short term, but they often miss something very important:

✨ The emotional world behind the behavior.

Parenting the Inner World is a gentle, emotionally-attuned approach inspired by the work of Carl Jung. It helps parents look at behavior as communication—especially when it comes to big emotions like anger, fear, or sadness.

Instead of asking:

• “How do I stop this behavior?”

We begin to ask:

• “What is this behavior trying to show me?”
• “What story is my child telling me without words?”
• “What is this emotion protecting?”

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🔥 Anger Is Not the Enemy

Anger in children can feel scary for parents. Hitting, shouting, or throwing things may trigger shame or panic. But anger is often not the real problem—it is the protector.

When your child gets angry, they might be trying to say:

• “I feel helpless.”
• “I don’t feel heard.”
• “I’m scared to lose control.”

Psychologist Dan Siegel (2011), in The Whole-Brain Child, reminds us that helping children integrate their thinking and feeling brains begins with connection—not correction.

Jungian parenting helps us do just that—by staying curious rather than reactive.

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🧩 What You Can Do as a Parent

Here are a few small but powerful shifts you can make:

1. Stay Regulated

Your calm nervous system helps your child feel safe. Take a deep breath before you respond.

2. Use Curious Language

Say: “It looks like something big is happening inside you. What do you think your anger is trying to tell us?”

3. Support Expression Through Play, Creative & other activities, Conversations

Offer your child figures, clay, paintings or sand to show what they feel. You may notice repeating themes—walls, fire, animals—which can reflect their inner world.

4. Avoid Shame

Instead of saying “You’re being bad,” say: “I can see how big that feeling is. Let’s find a safe way to work through it.”

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🌈 This Is a Path, Not a Perfect Formula

Parenting the Inner World isn’t about getting it right every time. It’s about building a bridge of trust—one moment, one question, one breath at a time.

It’s about learning to see anger not as something to stop, but as a doorway to understanding, connection, and growth.

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📘 Literature Reference:

• Siegel, D. & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam Books.
• Kalff, D. M. (1980). Sandplay: A Psychotherapeutic Approach to the Psyche.

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💾 Free Download for Parents

Looking for practical support?

👉[Download the free printable guide: “Parenting the Angry Child – A Jungian Sandplay Approach” https://rinalouwclinical.co.za/product/parenting-the-angry-child-a-jungian-sandplay-approach/

It includes phrases to use, symbolic play tips, and a gentle approach to help your child regulate emotions.

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💬 Final Thought

Your child isn’t bad or broken. Their emotions are just waiting to be understood.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

🕊️ With warmth and care,
Rina Louw
Clinical Social Worker & Sandplay Therapy Practitioner

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