Your child struggle to Follow Instructions? As parents, we often find ourselves repeating the same instructions: “Put on your shoes.” “Clean your room.” “Finish your homework.” But for many children, following instructions isn’t always easy. It’s not about defiance; it’s about developing essential cognitive and emotional skills that support their ability to listen, remember, and complete tasks.
Following instructions is a fundamental life skill, crucial for academic success, social relationships, and independence. Children who struggle in this area often face challenges with self-regulation, problem-solving, and organization. As a clinical social worker, I’ve seen how early interventions can set children up for success, and one of the most effective approaches is Dan Siegel’s Whole-Brain Child framework (Siegel & Bryson, 2012).
Why Do Some Kids Struggle to Follow Instructions?
Children aged 5-9 are still developing the brain functions needed to:
✔ Focus their attention (prefrontal cortex development)
✔ Retain multi-step instructions (working memory)
✔ Regulate emotions when tasks feel overwhelming (limbic system)
✔ Self-monitor and correct their work (executive functioning)
By using a whole-brain approach, parents can help children integrate both logical thinking (left brain) and emotional regulation (right brain), making it easier for them to process and execute instructions effectively.
5 Key Skills to Help Your Child Follow Instructions
#1. Active Listening: Teaching Your Child to Follow Instructions
“Listening is more than hearing—it’s about understanding.”
🔹 The Science: The ability to focus on verbal instructions without distractions is a skill that strengthens the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control (Siegel, 2012).
🔹 What Parents Can Do to assist in following instructions:
✅ Model Active Listening – Maintain eye contact and repeat back what your child says.
✅ Play “Simon Says” – This classic game teaches focused attention.
✅ Ask Clarifying Questions – Encourage your child to repeat back instructions in their own words.
📌 Try This: The “Repeat & Draw” Game – Give your child a short verbal description of an image (e.g., “Draw a sun with three clouds”). Have them listen, then draw. This strengthens listening and processing skills.
#2: Memory & Retention: Strengthening Recall Skills
“Why does my child forget what I just said?”
🔹 The Science: Children’s working memory (part of the brain that holds and manipulates information) is still developing. Strengthening memory helps them recall multi-step instructions (Diamond, 2013).
🔹 What Parents Can Do:
✅ Break Instructions Into Small Steps – “First put on your socks, then your shoes.”
✅ Use Visual Aids – Create simple chore charts or picture schedules.
✅ Practice Story Retelling – Have your child repeat a bedtime story to enhance memory.
📌 Try This: Memory Chain Game – Start a sentence (“I went to the zoo and saw a lion”), then take turns adding to it. This builds recall skills in a fun, engaging way!
#3. Sequencing: Teaching Kids the Right Order of Steps
“My child gets confused when following instructions!”
🔹 The Science: Sequencing (the ability to arrange steps logically) is crucial for problem-solving and organization (Meltzer, 2018).
🔹 What Parents Can Do:
✅ Use Step-by-Step Language – Say: “Step 1: Get your backpack. Step 2: Pack your lunch.”
✅ Practice with Cooking – Let your child help with recipes to understand sequences.
✅ Encourage Storytelling – Ask them to retell events in order to build sequencing skills.
📌 Try This: “Order the Cards” Game – Write steps for daily tasks (e.g., brushing teeth) on separate index cards. Let your child arrange them in the correct order.
#4. Emotional Regulation: Managing Frustration When Following Instructions
“My child refuses to listen when they’re upset!”
🔹 The Science: When a child is emotionally overwhelmed, the amygdala (emotional brain) takes over, making it difficult to focus. Helping children regulate their emotions allows them to return to logical thinking (Siegel, 2012).
🔹 What Parents Can Do:
✅ Validate Feelings – Say, “I see you’re frustrated. Let’s take a deep breath before we start.”
✅ Teach Calming Strategies – Use breathing exercises or a calm-down corner.
✅ Praise Effort, Not Just Results – Focus on progress: “You tried really hard to finish your homework!”
📌 Try This: “Calm-Down Jar” Activity – Fill a jar with water and glitter. When emotions run high, shake it and have your child watch until the glitter settles, practicing deep breathing.
#5. Self-Monitoring: Teaching Kids to Check Their Work
“My child rushes through tasks and makes mistakes!”
🔹 The Science: Self-monitoring builds executive functioning, helping children assess their own progress (Zelazo, 2015).
🔹 What Parents Can Do:
✅ Encourage Checklists – “Did you pack your lunch? Brush your teeth?”
✅ Use the “Pause & Check” Method – Teach kids to stop midway and review their work.
✅ Celebrate Self-Correction – Praise them for noticing and fixing mistakes.
📌 Try This: The “Mirror Game” – Ask your child to watch themselves in a mirror while completing a task (e.g., brushing teeth). This builds awareness and accuracy.
Final Thoughts: Helping Your Child Follow Instructions with Confidence
Teaching children to follow instructions isn’t just about getting them to do what you ask—it’s about equipping them with essential life skills. When parents use a whole-brain approach, children develop focus, memory, sequencing, emotional regulation, and self-monitoring, setting them up for success in school and beyond.
By making learning fun, engaging, and developmentally appropriate, parents can turn everyday moments into valuable learning opportunities. With patience and consistency, children will learn to follow instructions independently, confidently, and successfully.
📚 References:
- Diamond, A. (2013). Executive Functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64(1), 135–168.
- Meltzer, L. (2018). Executive Function in Education: From Theory to Practice. Guilford Press.
- Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Bantam.
- Zelazo, P. D. (2015). Executive Function: Reflection, Iterative Reprocessing, Complexity. Developmental Review, 38, 55–68.
Nurturing Learning Skills: Following Instructions. A Guide for Parents of Children Aged 5-10 Years – Rina Louw: Social-Emotional Intelligence: Follow Instructions.